By Marcy Venezia, GleeWorks Holistic Coaching

The challenges of caring for and raising a child with autism are huge and often exhausting. The demands drain you emotionally and physically and leave no time for you. Every morning you rededicate yourself to the job and reapply yourself to the long list of tasks that just seem to get longer only to fall into bed at the end of the day in exhaustion. Or you may have given up on the list, become angry, resentful and depressed. You have fallen into the Sliver.

Imagine a delicious pie, your favorite, with a slice missing. The pie is delicious and warm and as you sit quietly or with someone you love you take a bite of the pie and enjoy the flavors, the warmth and the satisfaction you feel as it warms your belly. Take a moment and visualize eating the pie and focus on how good it is, how go it makes you feel. Push away any negative thoughts. This is Living in the Gift.

The sliver is where there is no pie. In the sliver we experience negative thoughts and feelings such as anger, anxiety, and hatred. We focus on what is not good in ourselves, those we care for and the world around us. You may be saying, but that is the truth about my life. In fact, living in the Gift or the Sliver is more like wearing a pair of glasses which color everything you think, feel and see. You are experiencing habits of thinking, feeling and perspective that are so strong from continual use that they seem like the truth.

Self-care begins within with a shift to what is nurturing and recharging you. The warm sun, the delicious flavors of food, the funny and endearing things that your child does. Initially, it will be hard to see these windows of joy and love. But with practice it becomes easier and easier. When you have those microseconds and flashes of what you love, note them, hold on to them and nurture them. Slowly, inwardly you will be changing your perspective and your world. You will begin to see and incorporate the self-care you so desperately need by living in the gift.

For example, your child has finished their meal and looks up at you. Food is all over his face and the floor. You know it will take you 15 minutes to clean it up, you are tired of doing the same thing for every meal. Step back, is your child happy and satisfied? Let your child know that you see how happy they are and that they had a good meal. Since your goal as a parent is to get them to clean up after themselves. Offer them a cloth to wipe their mouth and face. Show delight in their effort and even minimal success. Suggest they clean the table. Be their helper as they learn to clean up after themselves. Praise them and be delighted. You have just offloaded the work of taking care of your child to them! If you have been living in the sliver and focused on the drudgery of parenting initially it will be hard to shift your perspective to what is positive. But keep at it. Like any habit it takes time to change.

Remember, you define a child’s world. You are precious and important. Self-care throughout the day between and during your responsibilities keeps you healthy and happy. Cultivate Living in the gift because it will transform you from the inside out and the kids you serve. Thank you for the incredible work you do every day. Bless you.

Marcy Venezia is a holistic life coach and RN specializing in a mind, body and spirit approach to healing and change. She reminds clients of their gifts to cope with the difficulties of raising special needs kids. She has 4 kids, one with special needs. She has also been a Special Ed Surrogate parent for those in State Custody.